Over the past 3 months my life has been like a whirlwind. I went from zero to 100 in a matter of a couple days and haven't stopped moving since. A year ago I probably would have struggled with the rat race, needing a little more calm as I worked through life. The fact that I am able to juggle things (even if it's rough) is one more sign that I am healing. That I have survived.
This doesn't mean that I have forgotten. Austin is with me everywhere I go, in everything I do. On the days I arrive at work early in the morning (before 7am), Austin greets me in the face of every construction worker who is also beginning his work day - working on the building being erected next to my office. As I walk into the lobby, to grab a sandwich, he joins me again through these workers, who are breaking for lunch. While driving, Austin continues to keep me company, through the music flowing out of the radio, or in the words I yell at the crazy drivers. (I can just hear Austin talking about how they need to learn to drive.) Austin comes upon me on the highway via the motorcyclist appearing in my rearview mirror. (I always say a prayer to keep that motorcyclist safe.)
Even though he is always with me, there are times I thirst for an hour of quiet (which are few and far between these days) where I can sit with my thoughts and remember Austin - where I can let tears roll down my face as I feel his presence, remember him, miss him.
This may sound odd to some, but it brings comfort and is soothing to the soul. That is how it is with grief.... things don't always make sense to the outsider looking in.... but that's ok. Even when you are able to enjoy life, while missing the person that's left you, you find things won't ever be the same. You find yourself doing things, that previously you may have found peculiar. By embracing this you give yourself permission to live.