Giving Thanks...

"We can always find something to be thankful for, and there may be reasons why we ought to be thankful for even those dispensations which appear dark and frowning." - Albert Barnes

Tomorrow we will be celebrating Thanksgiving, a time of reflecting on all we have to be thankful for...

thanksgiving: (noun) (1) the act of giving thanks (2) a prayer expressing gratitude (3) a public acknowledgment or celebration of divine goodness.

Tomorrow will be very different than any Thanksgiving I have ever celebrated, because it will be bittersweet. Bitter, because Austin is gone. Bitter, because I miss him with all my being. But sweet, because of the love I have experienced from so many people. And so, although this year has brought much sadness to our family and everyone that was touched by Austin, it has also brought many gifts that I am thankful for. As I go through the day, tomorrow, I will try to focus on those gifts...

"Gratitude is our most direct line to God... If we take the time, no matter how crazy and troubled we feel, we can find something to be thankful for. The more we seek gratitude, the more reason... will give us for gratitude and joy to exist in our lives." - Terry Lynn Taylor 

I am thankful for Austin: I could fill a book with the wonderful memories Austin has left me with. Not a day goes by that something doesn't happen that brings a smile to my heart as I think, "Austin would have gotten a kick out that...", Austin would have loved this...",  "That is so Austin...", "Oh, I can just hear Austin now...", "Austin would never let you live that one down...", or "I can picture Austin doing that now...".

The gift of having Austin, as my son, for over 21 years is more than many ever experience in a life time. And although he is no longer here with me, his spirit lives on in the friends he blessed us with.

I am thankful for Austin's friends: Wow! Austin truly knew how to pick his friends... I am blown away by how his friends have reached out to our family...we couldn't have made it through these difficult times without them. Some friends we've had the honor of knowning since Austin's elementary school years, others we met when he brought them to Massachusetts for a visit, a few we met the past couple years when we were back in New York, and a handful have been since his parting. But there is one thing in common with all of them - they have beautiful hearts and have shared them with us...and in the process become our friends. What a wonderful gift - thank you! (And thank you Austin for sharing your friends with us...)

I am thankful for my friends: Talking about beautiful hearts - I feel so fortunate to have so many wonderful friends. I knew this before Austin's accident, but was made even more aware of it in the days, weeks, and months to follow.  Austin always felt welcomed by our friends, whether it was the ones in NY or here in MA, and I cannot begin to express how much that meant to me. As I have walked this interesting journey, these past five months, I have not been alone. How much easier it is to weather difficult times when accompanied by the gift of friendship. Thank you...

I am thankful for my family: I have always felt fortunate to have the family I have - and it's been proven once again - they will be there for me when I need them. From the minute we got the devastating news my family was there - being patient as I planned Austin's service and respecting what Mike and I wanted. And now today, even though most of my family is six hours or more from us, I know they are just a phone call away. I am blessed with the gift of family and love. Thank you...

I am thankful for my younger two boys: It is amazing, even at ten and twelve years old, how Wes and Matt have handled losing their brother - the one they looked up to and idolized (and still do) - and how they have put up with seeing tears streaming down their mom's face. Sometimes they come over and give me a hug, other times we all laugh, especially when it's because of a song we hear on the radio. They are not afraid to talk about Austin - how refreshing. What a beautiful give to be able to remember the times they shared with their big brother.

I am thankful for the joy they continue to have, despite their loss, and for the laughter they bring to the home. My heart warms as I watch each of them, being so different from the other, being who God made them to be. I am blessed! So thank you...

I am thankful for my husband, Mike: When we made our vows 16 years ago, saying "for better or worse", who would have fathomed that this would be part of the worse. Mike has been patient as I deal with the loss in a much different way than he does. And although he doesn't understand my way, he has given me room. Yes, the two of us grieve very differently, and often have to remind ourselves that each way is ok , but through it we have grown stronger and closer. So thank you...

"Be thankful for each new challenge, because it will build your strength and character." - Author Unknown, from Be Thankful

Today, Austin has been gone for five months. There is nothing I can do to bring him back and I am NOT thankful for that. But, I can keep his memories close to my heart and remember all that he blessed me with for over 21 years and all that I am blessed with today, despite this tragedy. Tomorrow, I will give thanks for my family and friends (including the friends Austin left for us).

"Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." - Melody Beattie

Happy Thanksgiving...