Wednesday, September 15, 2010

This One's For You!

"One of the most difficult discoveries I made early in my 'season of grief' was that grief itself has no timetable.... 'This is my time to mourn.' With that thought, I felt a sense of liberation. I realized that I didn't have to run from the pain. I didn't have to fight or overcome it. This sorrow, this time of mourning, was a season of my life. All I needed to do was to experience it, to lean into the pain, and to let it become a part of who I was.... It's okay to be sorrowful, to mourn, to grieve... When I allowed mourning into my life, it became less frightening, not quite a friend, but no longer an alien stranger. I was able to be at peace with my sorrow." Exerpt from A Season of Grief,  by Ann Dawson

Over the past few weeks I have been trying to figure out what I can give to Austin's friends and family to help them get through this journey we are on together. Then the idea came to me of creating a blog to help everyone realize they are not alone in this. Although we are each in our own places in the grieving process, we are not alone...

It is an interesting journey...we are traveling it together, yet at times may feel so alone, since each of us must travel our own path. Many of us are experiencing the same feelings and emotions - sometimes at the same time, but often at different times. We all had different relationships with Austin. Mine was as his mother and also his friend. Our relationship and friendship was different than yours. And your friendship was different than all of his other friends. My grieving is different than yours, but yet so much the same. Quite often we find ourselves grieving and remembering many of the same things, but also many things just between each of us and Austin.

Anyone who knows me well, knows I am a huge reader. The more I can read on a subject matter, the happier I am, especially when it comes to relationships. (I also love suspense fiction). However, for the first many weeks after Austin's death I was unable to pick up a single book, on any subject. I am not sure why, but I was unable. Then a friend of mine sent me a book written by a father who lost his 25 year old son on a mountain (Lament for a Son, by Nicholas Wolterstorff ). It is a father's journal during the first year after he lost his son. Amazingly, much of what he was saying was exactly what I had journaled, spoken to others, or just thought. It was very comforting and reassured me that everything I was feeling was "normal". Here is one of his statements that hit the nail on the head:

"It is the neverness that is so painful. Never again to be here with us... All the rest of our lives we must live without him... A month, a year, five years - with that I could live. But not this forever..." Exerpt from Lament for a Son, by Nicholas Wolterstorff

A week ago I finished reading a fiction book which I had started before Austin's accident. Having that done, my next step was to head to the local bookstore and start looking for books on grieving. I wanted to see if what they were saying was accurate, since, of course, now I thought I was the expert on grief, I am experiencing it firsthand, afterall!

There were several books on the subject matter and I bought a few. Most had great information that, once again, reaffirmed I am "normal". In fact, many said almost word-for-word what I had been thinking, writing in my journal or speaking of with close friends. I wanted so much to share this information with all of my friends and Austin's friends that are walking this road of grieving with me. But, I knew I would go broke if I bought everyone a copy of the these books (and many of you probably wouldn't want to read all of them). Then I had an idea. Why not create a blog where I can share pieces of information that would help Austin's friends and family (or even others that did not know Austin, but are suffering a death of someone they loved)!

Come along for the ride... I'll share with you other's words of wisdoms, my own "challenges", things I have learned, encouraging quotes, and questions I struggle with. All I ask is that you realize that you may not be where I am or experiencing what I am at the time, and that's ok - you may have already been there, are going to go there soon, or may never go there. That's the interesting thing about grieving, there is no exact roadmap. We all make our own.

This One's For You!... Please visit the blog regularly to see that you too are "normal" in your grieving. Sometimes you may be on the same journey with me. Other times you may have taken a short cut, been detoured, or double-backed. But you're not alone...

Life's like a road that you travel on,
When there's one day here and the next day gone
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand,

Sometimes you turn your back to the wind
There's a world outside ev'ry darkened door,

Where blues won't haunt you anymore
Where brave are free and lovers soar,

Come ride with me to the distant shore
We won't hesitate, To break down the garden gate
There's not much time left today
Life is a highway, I wanna ride it all night long
If you're going my way, I wanna drive it all night long

From "Life is a Highway", by Rascal Flatts

Hold on - you never know when the road will get bumpy or there will be a sudden turn!!!!

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die...a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance... 
Ecclesiastes 3:1-2,4


  1. You amaze me....thats all I can day!! Consider yourself hugged!!

  2. Lori - what a great way to share with everyone

  3. Oh for goodness sake - "mine" would be me - Penny

  4. Lori - the Michael comment is mine....I hate computers :0)

  5. Grieving is an individual process that takes bravery, courage and tenacity to face. Lori, you and your whole family and all those who loved Austin and who miss him remain in my thoughts and prayers.

    Hugs, Ginny

  6. oh my gosh! I loved reading this so much! It brings me comfort for sure to know that I am not as lone a wolf as I think going down this road of healing. I miss him every single day and he's constantly in my thoughts and prayers as you and your family are too.

    This perfectly describes where my thoughts seem to go...

    It is the neverness that is so painful. Never again to be here with us... All the rest of our lives we must live without him... A month, a year, five years - with that I could live. But not this forever...

    I will be reading your blog! Thank you so much for this wonderful idea Lori! Sending hugs to you!