Sunday, May 1, 2011

The Club

"...clubs are often started because of a strong interest..." - Ezine

There are many different types of clubs. If you have an interest, chances are you'll find a club for it. Some clubs even have waiting lists, with more people wanting to join than there are openings. Most of the time, members encourage their friends to join, and they definately aren't discouraging friends from joining. And, I rarely hear of people joining clubs they don't want to belong to.

Ten months ago I was forced to join a club that no one wants to become a member of. I never submitted an application and, had I been asked, would have said, "No way! Only 'others' join 'That Club' and I want nothing to do with it!" I never imagined, in a thousand years, that I'd be in "The Club". And, unfortunately "The Club is one that once you're a member, you're always a member, like it or not...

So, now that I'm in "The Club", I figured I'd better check to see if there are rules. I couldn't find any, so I decided to make up my own:
  • Respect the uniqueness of all members.
  • Do not compare how one member is with how another member is doing.
  • Laughing and crying are both allowed, and welcomed.
  • If you don't want to talk, don't. If you want to share your feelings, share.
  • If you want to mention your loved one's name - do it!
  • Everyone has their own set of rules as to how they will feel in 1 month, 3 months, 1 year, or even 2 years. Respect those rules and don't try to change them to match yours or anyone else's.
  • Do not judge other members.
  • Have no shame in belonging to "The Club".
  • If you don't like these rules, make up your own.
Now that the rules have been established, we need an official saying. A friend of mine, who joined the club three months (to the day and hour) after I did, shared the following poem. I am recommending this become the "Official Club Reading". (Please note, the words "child" and "son" may be replaced with "friend", "husband", "wife", etc.)

Please don't tell me you know how I feel;
Unless you have loss your child too.
Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal;
Because that is just not true.
Please don't tell me my son is in a better place;
Though it is true, I want him here with me.
Don't tell me someday I'll hear his voice, see his face;
Beyond today I cannot see.
Don't tell me it is time to move on;
Because I cannot.
Don't tell me to face the fact he is gone,;
Because denial is something I can't stop.
Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had;
Because I wanted more.
Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad;
I'll never be as I was before.
What you can tell me is you will be here for me;
That you will listen when I talk of my child.
You can share with me my precious memories;
You can even cry with me for a while.
And please don't hesitate to say his name;
Because it is something I long to hear everyday.
Friend, please realize that I can never be the same;
But if you stand by me,
you may like the new person I become someday.

Being part of "The Club" has made me a different person. I'm not sure how - as I'm still figuring that out - but I am definately different from who I was 11 months ago. I am fortunate to have friends -some who are also in "The Club", and some who are not - but all have stood by me as I've been figuring out who I now am... And I am forever grateful!

One more thing we need for "The Club"... a name. I propose...

"I Miss Your Smile"
I am now part of the "I Miss Your Smile Club"...
and AUSTIN... I Absolutely Miss Your Smile!

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